29 things I know for sure on the First Day of My 39th Year

29 things I know for sure on the First Day of My 39th Year

  1. @39……………….My definition of “Going Out” translates to Drinking by 4 pm (maybe earlier). Drunk by 8, and Home and in bed by 9 pm. You will be wasting your time if you try to get me to go out later than 7 pm. Even then, my mind is making a hell of an argument for why my bed looks better than a bar stool.
  2. @39……………….I have come to realize that Cereal Cement is indeed, real. This is not a myth people! The worst cereal ever is Fruity Pebbles (which has a lifetime ban in my home). If, Fruity Pebbles dries on the side of the bowl, its is almost guaranteed that I am having one hell of a mental debate on whether I should chuck the bowl or not. If, by chance, my rational thinking wins, then maybe a scouring pad will work. If you don’t have a pad, then use those fingernails. But, Beware!!!! If you haven’t experienced the pain of a Fruity Pebbles splinter, than you haven’t lived. LOL
  3. @39……………I realized that getting up and down from the couch after a long day isn’t so easy! I feel like the damn Tin Man from Wizard of OZ. You know how each step he takes, he needs oil? Yep, that’s me. After a few steps, I’m normal. But boy, do I even look like how the Tin Man moves. Every step my knees, back, and ankles rigidly click back and forth until I get going.
  4. @39………..I know that if I get more than one minute in the bathroom alone, than its a good day! If its not the cats doing figure 8’s through my legs. Or the dogs trying to perch on my leg as to let me know that they to would like to go out. Of course, there’s Isa, my daughter. Always resuming her position of leaning against the wall with her arms crossed. She proceeds to fill my ears with stories of her 3 baby dolls. I, usually, just stare at her with a blank face. Thinking how golden it would be if I could get one freaking minute of silence. I pray that she will be quiet long enough that I can get my pee flowing (woman problems). You may think, “Why isn’t the door shut to them?” I agree. If my cats, dogs, and child didn’t shoulder check the door the whole time I am in there. So…………………….I choose my battles.
  5. @ 39…………..I know after almost 10 years of marriage and  a child along the way, HAPPY MARRIAGE = HAPPY FAMILY  and NOT the other way around. A happy marriage automatically trickles down to the children. We have been very open with our daughter as early as should understand. She understands that Mommy & Daddy need time to work on our marriage. So, she knows even now at the age of 8, she goes to her room at 8 pm so we can focus only on each other. Constant work! Never Stops! Put your marriage FIRST!
  6. @39…………..I know now why my Mom did not think it was funny when she had to cross her legs every time she sneezed, laughed, coughed, jumped, or otherwise move harder than a sway. LOL. Sorry mom, I get it now. You cross your legs and hope for the best after kids are born. Do your Kegals!!!!! The struggle is real.
  7. @39…………..I have come to accept that hemorrhoids are a part of life. After babies, if you don’t have one, you are lucky!!!!
  8. @39…………I have come to appreciate that my age is one of the last to live in a time before technology took over our lives. (How many can say they know how to use a Dewey Decimal system, or can look at microfiche. The Google was Cliff Notes and balancing a checkbook was the norm. It blows my daughters’ mind that until I was 18, we had 3 TV channels—2, 11, 13, and …..maybe 45 on a really good day.
  9. @39………….I know now that Opinions mean nothing. Zero, Zilch! Judgments, opinions, ignorance, do NOT affect my life. It is me and the value that I hold for my self that matters.
  10. @39………..Ohhhhhh…………..a BIG ONE……………Reality Check!!!!! THE WORLD OWES YOU NOTHING!  The world will continue to live on long after we are gone. People are not here to hold your hand or give you everything you desire. You do NOT deserve anything. You work for what you get. The result of hard work is success. Plain and Simple. You will not know what success feels like, if yo have never felt the pain of failure.
  11. #39……….Good Credit ranks up there with the Divinity of God. You can’t see it. You know its there. You know it dictates how you live. Its an invisible entity that can make your life heaven or a living Hell!!!! You can do nothing without good credit. NOTHING.
  12. @39………I have realized that when my Bra comes off at the end of the day, I shut down. We like to call this in my house, “Bra Time.” The Fam knows my days is done. So don’t ask for another Mother Fucking Thing!!!! LOL. Sometimes, the best part of the day is taking the Penitentiary For Boobs off.
  13. @39 On a serious note. Recently, I’ve realized that saying “No” is NOT wrong. Super, Duper Important!!!! Saying, “NO,” is not wrong! It is not a cuss word. Guess What?   You do’t even have to have a reason to say No. This took me until this year to realize that just because I have the ability to do something doesn’t mean I have to do it. Its OKAY to say NO!
  14. @39…..I’ve learned to push my limits in life. In life, strive to go beyond your comfort zone. You have NO idea what you re capable of doing until you push beyond the limit of what you think you are able to do.  We have ONE life! 7 years ago, I didn’t even know I could draw better yet now be labeled an artist. Never limit yourself to what you think you can do, rather step out of the box and go beyond your own expectations.
  15. @39……..Dance when you can dance. Be silly. Strip the layers of the onion off YOU for at least a little each day.
  16. @39………..I realized that you do not want to be a Negative Nancy through life. You are wasting precious life. Again, one life people! If you worry about every negative thing on earth, than life will blow by you in a blink. If you are so focused on all this drama and hate in the world, than the people that matter the most will come and go without you ever being truly present.
  17. @39………Holding your tongue and choosing your battle in life is an everyday adult life occurrence.
  18. @39…….You realize how freaking important Health Insurance is!!!! You also realize how fucking expensive it costs. When looking for jobs, guaranteed, I will ask about benefits!
  19. @39…….I know the choice of night time food will determine if I wake up with heartburn in the middle of night.  Baking soda has become a good friend of mine.
  20. @39….My preferred form of foreplay is seeing my hubby clean or when I walk into the house already cleaned. I will jump his bones in seconds!! That’s HOT!!!
  21. @39 I know now and Wish I would’ve realized earlier that whatever body type you are, just LOVE YOU!! I have been every size possible. Right down to being hospitalized for Anorexia at a whopping 96 lbs. Honestly, I didn’t accept my self until I became pregnant with my daughter. I realized I would be doing her an injustice if she grew up seeing me suffer from Anorexia. What would I be teaching her? That would’ve been incredibly selfish of me. So, my angel was born, and I swore that I would never see me embarrassed of who I am, wore, look like, weight, or otherwise.  Embrace who you are! It took me to almost my heaviest to be comfortable with who I am. Fuck people if they think I have a muffin top or tad to tight of pants on. That is their problem. If you obsess about your weight, and the way you look, then, are you truly being present? When you die, will the people there at your funeral, mention your stretch marks? NO!!!!!! 39 years later, I can honestly say I would rather be fat and happy, than skinny, hungry, and miserable. I am at peace and doing something good for both my daughter and I.
  22. @39………….I realize how important it is to stop every time you are in front of the mirror and openly tell yourself how much you love YOU! The core of love starts within your self. How can you truly and honestly love others to the fullness of your capabilities, if you can’t love you? This took me until my daughter was born to understand and realize this.
  23. @39……….At the ripe age of 39…….I can tell you that I’ve realized and accepted that most generic brand food and items are as good as name brand. Truth!!! No shame in the Generic Game! ( Well…..maybe, TP, Mayo, and Bras, they have to be name brand)
  24. @39……….After 10 years, I can without any hesitation say that Marriage is an ocean. Constant waves. It could be calm like glass one day and Tsunami strength waves the next. Ride the waves. Continue to work. Enjoy each other and Laugh! Oh……..and Fuck your brains out! (Pussy Power is Real People).
  25. @39……….On a lighter note, I know Milk has at least another week after it expires!
  26. @39……….I know now after judging for so many years, that is is absolutely and 100% acceptable to sniff a babies butt for a poop check. I get it, I rolled my nose up too. BUT, let me put it to you like this….you have 2 choices:  sniff butt, or stick fingers inside to check. I will take the Big Whiff!
  27. @39………..I realized the hard way the other night that the movies that I loved in high school are now on AMC Classics Channel. That was hard to swallow. Hubby and I watching ‘Half Baked’. I said, “Babe, why is Half Baked on AMC?” He said, “Babe, we are Old.” OMFG! He was right. The movie was over 20 years old.
  28. @39……..Silence is precious. I mean true silence. Every piece of technology is off and its so quiet that you can hear the clocks tick. Its so rare, so savor it when you can.
  29. @39………..Being carded is an absolute compliment.  I’m not talking about the Ruby Tuesday type of carding. Where they card even an 80 year old man. I am talking about truly being carded. Even better is when they look at the ID and see I am born in the 70s and they are shocked. At that point, I smile and think to myself, “I still Fucking got it!”



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