Dear Woman who has No Children!

dear, deare, non parent -

Dear Woman who has No Children!

Dear Woman who has no children,

As I sat in the restaurant today, looking defeated, I scanned the room. My eyes met with a woman, “Non-parent”.  You could tell she met my eyes with utter disgust at what she had seen at the restaurant that day.

I rolled my eyes at her and gave her the, “Sorry, but not sorry look.” My exhausted mental state wore through on my makeup from yesterday. I had managed to wipe the mascara and eyeliner up enough that it looked like a shoddy smoky look eye job.

I looked down at the table. Sugar caddy flipped over. Sugar granules everywhere. Crayons on the ground, and a sole napkin in a cup full of water. 

To me, our time at the restaurant, was a success. To the non-parent, she saw an utter mess. Things in disarray, and looking defeated. Amazing how we see things different.

See this, non-parent, was doing exactly what I had done years ago…………….judged.  You know what I’m talking about. The woman, who has yet to have a child, but could tell you how they would raise and execute the raising of the perfect child.

Let me tell you a few things I have done that I swore as a non-parent I’d never do.

  1. Smell a Butt===Yep! Take a big whiff because you’re only other option, when you don’t have direct access to the diaper to freely look, is touch! I choose a BIG Whiff!
  2. Lick a Pacifier to clean it! Yep…Get out somewhere that you can’t wash a pacifier. The baby is losing her shit. Believe me when I say, you will pop that pacifier in your mouth to do a quick cleaning, just to be able to pop it in the baby’s mouth to keep them quiet.
  3. Bribery—Don’t think for one second you won’t offer a toy or a piece of candy to keep the kid quiet and behaved!
  4. Table Tablet time---I hear so many non parents say, “I would NEVER give the tablet at the dinner table.” Okay……………….Get to a restaurant. Have a screamer. You desire a somewhat peaceful dinner. Hand them the freaking tablet!!!
  5. Sleeping in your bed! You do what you need to do to stay sane!!! So many ‘Non parents” say, “I would never…” Be on your 14th day of 2 hours increments of sleep and watch how fast you put that baby in bed with you! Just saying!

 So…..woman staring at me because my child has lost her shit. Keep looking at me like you smelled a fart because one day, you too, will be bribing, sniffing, sucking, and providing TV time at the dinner table.

Stay Sane Good Mamas!


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