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(Read it like Twas' the Night Before Xmas)   Twas’ the night before 40 and all was quiet as a mouse. Not a peep from my snoring hubby or beeps from my house. I was up all night thinking about turning forever old when out comes my hemorrhoid touching the toilet bowl I stand up from the toilet, all kinds of thoughts in my head My body Aching and creaking every step back to the bed. I stop at the mirror and take a deep breath in. I feel like my body is like the man in Oz made of...

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This is what my "inner" voice was saying:

All women unite!!! We are multi-tasking goddesses. We are like pool players but with everyday life. Planning 5 steps ahead at all times. It’s the end result that counts

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 I show my age of 39 when for a good month after the Drake song, “Hotline Bling,” I was singing, “You can call me on telephone”. One day, my daughter, Isa, looks at me with this look of curiosity. Scrunching her nose in confusion. She says, ‘Mommy, what is a telephone?” I am looking at her like a puppy that doesn’t understand. I was confused. How the fuck does she not know what a telephone is? (Okay, so never knew that all phones including cellphone do not fit under the main category telephone.) Well, 

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Captain’s Log Sept 21st—Today was an okay day. Started out great. For some reason, I looked at Doug and wanted to rip his face off. What was that about? Hmmm…further investigation of beginning of next period is warranted. Should pre-warning be given to Isa & Doug? Nah, it may be nothing. May be false alarm.

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Is the Fake it until you Make it! She’ll wear the cutesy boyfriend cut T-shirt with her hubby’s favorite team on her chest

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