What Happens After Having a Child part 1: Loco Bladder Club

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What Happens After Having a Child part 1: Loco Bladder Club

Things they don’t tell you #1—Loco Bladder Club


No one tells you that after you have a baby, your body will hate you for the rest of your life. If you are the fortunate few that actually did your Kegel exercises in beast mode, then maybe you have a slight advantage. However, if you are the majority……we welcome you to the Loco Bladder Club. Where only there is one rule to join--- you need to fall into 1 or more of these situations.

Situations are as goes: --If you do one or more of these actions that results in peeing:

 If you cannot laugh, sneeze, cough, or jump, without streaming down your leg than you are in the club. For example, a good sneeze can result in peeing one’s self. You know when a sneeze comes on, you need to brace yourself. You prepare by crossing your legs. If you are alone, you may even hold onto the vagina gripping it with your hand like your hand is a dam of some sort. Hoping that the force of the crossing the legs coupled with the one hand vagina hold will help hold the pee in.  We, finalize this safe mode, with extra reinforcement.  We grip our nose tightly and let a little chirp of a sneeze. Because lord knows you can’t let a sneeze be a real sneeze. Instead, a mother’s sneeze turns into sort of tiny bird chirp. With your fingers pinching your nose tightly as to break down the force and power of the sneeze, we brace for impact. You hope to God that you brought another pair of pants, just in case all reinforcements didn’t hold up. For me, fuck man,…..36 years old and getting bladder mesh put in. Don’t get me wrong, it was the best thing I ever did. Ladies who still live the Loco Bladder Club, be jealous, because I can spread my legs and sneeze!!!! (This is just one of many that they don’t tell you)

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